aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddddddddddd... we're out

what a trooper my discover card has been this year... this season especially. i have been workin' the cashback rewards using shop discover and next week, i am buying a small country with my rewards.

two words: REMOTE CONTROL FLYING SHARK

http://www.buy.com/prod/air-swimmers-remote-control-flying-shark/224907689.html?listingid=178467316

SERIOUSLY, this is beyond brilliant!

it's a long story.

oh can_a_daaaaaaaaaaa

i wish i knew why, more importantly, i wish it would stop. it has been WEEKS and i still have the canadian national anthem stuck in my head. i thought perhaps it was a sign to touch base with pastor len and yvonne... he didn't think so but he was pleased to hear from me.

now i'm wondering if i need to go to canada... is this like a "if you build it they will come," kinda thing? crap. do they even play baseball in canada?

oh, and "o." apparently they don't use the h up there. also, i think they are a more concise people. have you ever taken a look at our national anthem, word-count wise? there are 63 words in o canada. i thought our anthem would be significantly longer, i guess it just takes longer to sing... it's 80 words. but wait, that's just the first verse... there are 4 verses... for a grand total of 312 words.

i was about to say, "all this crap is interesting..." but i realized it's not.

but i still have o canada stuck in my head without any explanation and it doesn't appear to be going anywhere soon... just like the country, america's top hat.

the other day i was wondering...

... how did find things out before the internet?

i mean really. i don't recall. i DO remember that i fancied myself the queen of resourcefulness, but i sure do NOT recall exactly what i did to earn that title.

this fond introspection comes on the heels of eggs. if eggs had heels. which they don't. but it sounded poetic.

so last night i'm assembling a salad for my lunch today... yes i said SALAD. shut up.

i thought some hard boiled eggs would be a nice addition. so i went to the internet to find out how to do it. and the internet responded brilliantly and behold, there was egg. eggs i mean. hard boiled eggs. it was fantastic.

today, i turned on the monitor and up came the recipe for boiling an egg... and i thought to myself, this just might be the most pathetic thing i ever googled.

though truth be told, i can't be sure.

my family is bankrupting me

it's no one's fault really... i mean, my family is awesome and i wouldn't give them back... AND, i actually love that there's so many of us...

but i'm buying a birthday card yesterday and about fell over when it rang up at FOUR DOLLARS. now i'm still mad these things went over ONE dollar, and now it's FOUR????

here's what everyone is getting from now on. AND, because i'm a sweetheart, i made it generic so anyone can download and use it.

and, on the off chance a non-family member is reading this and you think i'm exaggerating...

January

1 - Steve & Randi

7 - Chase

22 - Robert & Kaje

24 - Sheri

30 - Robin

31 - Eric

February

5 - Michael

11 - Mom & Dad

March

5 - Katie

15 - Addyson

21 - Marc

26 - Robert

26 - Michelle & Chase

April

2 - Ashley

17 - Emily

May

27 - Jordan

June

1 - Alayna

28 - Alex

July

3 - Marv

7 - Ben

9 - Ashley & Rick

24 - Becky

26 - Rick

26 - Michael & Beth

August

8 - Karen

8 - Karen & Marc

22 - Mike

September

21 - Steve

29 - Elizabeth

30 - Mom

October

7 - Mike & Krissy

12 - Val

12 - Emmett

17 - Anna

25 - Ken

November

2 - Krissy

2 - Erin

4 - Matthew

10 - Kaje

17 - Randi

21 - Matt

25 - Dad

25 - James

December

2 - Michelle

8 - Emily & James

11 - Chad

11 - Ken & Robin

14 - Chad & Becky

22 - Val & Marv

29 - Beth

31 - Evelyn

i had to copy this

The Most Idiotic And Offensive Mass Riot In Recent History

Angry Penn State students went to the streets Wednesday night after Joe Paterno was abruptly fired by the board of trustees.

The situation descended into chaos after the 10:15 p.m. announcement.

There was fireworks, tear gas, mace, broken street signs, an overturned news van, and general chaos.

While the main concern in this entire scandal should be the children whose lives were ruined, all the students focused on was Penn State football, and rallying behind an administration that helped cover up the sexual abuse of children.

you people suck

not a single, "oh no sheri, you're still awesome," comment on my last post. not one. i hate you.

i used to be awesome

i really did. i did amazingly creative things, even with practically nothing to work from. i used to send up reports to abc and david would call me because he loved how cool my tabs were. one book he spoke about for months after. when boring came to town, i found a way to be great.

now i don't know what happened to me, perhaps years of oppression have beaten me down, where i used to have panache, now i just have pooey.

or, on days not plagued by soul crushing workloads and impossible deadlines, where a glimmer of optimism isn't shot where it stands... on those days i mourn the loss as a victim of my success. i'm too important now, i'm so busy i don't have time, it's a shame, but hey, a girl's gotta eat.

however i got here and whatever spin i put on it... here's my wish for you:

what in the world?

so i just ordered this duvet:

i haven't touched it, or seen it... did i mention i have not touched it?

i have been needing a new duvet for months. i bought this based soley on my trust of bed, bath & beyond. they better not dissapoint me. you can sell me crappy shoes, crappy clothes, crappy soap... crappy crap... but do NOT mess with my bed.

i shall report again, when i receive the duvet. if you don't hear from me, but have observed a cloud or heard a boom along the eastern seaboard, you may assume i am displeased.

oppression

yes, i said oppression.

it's that time of year again, when feet that have lived free and unfettered must go back under cover. goodbye cute sandals, goodbye shiny polish... shoes and socks weather is once again upon us.

iddydits

that's what matthew used to say.

okay... this is not just a conversation, this conversation happened via email. i mention that because of the fact that you can look back at what you said, and what the other person said, when you have an email conversation.

M: sheri, i'm looking for interior images from our projects. where would i find those?

S: on the F drive, there's a marketing folder, in that check in project documentation. there's also a folder called photographs or images. there may be more in there.

M: ok, thanks.

[next day]

M: sheri, now i need images of potomac yard.

so i think to myself, i know they are in one of the folders i referred her to yesterday. so i check, then reply.

S: they're in that project documentation folder, did you look?

M: i looked yesterday, but i wasn't looking for potomac yard then.

so today, you are asking essentially the same question, only more specific. you're not going to go back, look at the answer i gave you yesterday and check before you bother me again?

i think that i could possibly be too smart for my own good. she's too well paid to think for herself, perhaps if i became an idiot, i could have a bigger paycheck too. seems counter-intuitive, but hey, so is having someone that thick in a senior position.

Iddydit update: this morning, i get ANOTHER email asking for more images... they are in the same folders i directed her to before. i guess at the time, she wasn't looking for that project either. seriously, why is this moron making more money than me?

oops

okay, here's a bean picture from her 5th birthday... AND, with all the new baby excitement, i am ashamed to announce that i completely forgot about my beautiful sister, whose birthday was also the 12th. let the flogging begin. sorry big sis, i love you, happy birthday!

Happy Birthday Bean!!!

This picture is from Anna's 4th birthday. Today, AnnaBean is 5. You might think this picture is pretty cute, you'd be right, but if you were thinking, "you can't get any cuter than that!" you'd be wrong. perhaps someone will send me a picture of the bean from today, and then i can post it and you will see that yes, she CAN get even cuter.

either way... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

My Newest Nephew, Emmett James!!

hopefully i will be forgiven for stealing this photo... i did wait 5 days, that qualifies as miraculous restraint when you're me. seriously.

and, in case you're an idiot, Emmett is the one lying down. he's being doted on by siblings (from left to right) ben, evey and addy. what a gorgeous family!!

i'm clairvoyant

no sooner did i post about ashley's baby about to be born, than ashley's baby was born. but i can't say more than that right now. her news, not mine. :-)

waiting waiting

i stole this picture from ashley, without asking... which is probably pretty dangerous considering she's VERY pregnant and VERY ready to have the new baby... but i just wanted to put this up to say that i cannot wait for these three beauties to be joined by a fourth. we're down to "any minute" now, not just "any day." i can't wait to see the newest gorgeous martinus!!

a tiny vacation

it's been a brutal 2 weeks at the office... 15 hour days, working weekends... boooooooo!!

but tonight i head south. yayyyyyyyy!! can't wait to see rob, kaje, jordan, crystal, david and miya!

and being the train geek that i am, i'm very excited to be taking amtrak from orlando to jacksonville, though it's on sunday afternoon, so i hope there's a tv. it's football season!

Dear Sugar-Free Candy,

why you gotta be like that yo?

(this sounds stupid if you're not using your gansta voice, so go back and try it again.)

everything i'd like to say, i will withhold, for reasons of national security.

or, so as not to gross you out, or get a call from my mom.

i just wanted to warn people about a little thing called malitol. it's a sugar alcohol, which is a terrible name because it's not alcohol, it's just a weird type of sugar that's not really sugar. so anyway... malitol. there's a reason the name begins with MAL. consume with caution. do NOT feed it to your dog.

in other news, i'm heading to florida this weekend... SO excited to meet this little princess:

i am also going to visit with her parents... ummm... rob and kaje. yes, Jordan's parents are named rob and kaje.

(KIDDING!)

and i'm going to see crystal and david and miya too and i am very excited!!!

spent

i don't know exactly what this blue ball is all about... but i googled images for exhaustion and this picture looks how i feel.

i almost cried several times yesterday. it was a day of people reverting to infancy and being able to do nothing for themselves. "sheri, i know you're busy but could you...."

fiscally these last few weeks have worked out well for me, but i'm a wreck.

i'm excited to go see rob, kaje and jordan this weekend, and my friends crystal, david and miya... i just hope i don't sleep through it all.

:-(

really?

it's monday... it's not even 10am... and my weekend is already shot. why oh why can't we get things done in the 40+ hours we're here during the week?

to quote my friend ben, "i have 2 days, you get 5. it's already unfair."

also, harvey update

harvey's fate is still unclear. my heel seems to be healing, but there's a scab (that i've been told to leave alone) and we can't tell what's going on underneath. i have a doctor appointment in 3 weeks, hopefully things will be cleared up enough to know then whether or not harvey lives. IF he lives, we are putting the hammer down. harvey will be forcibly removed, with a knife and hopefully lots of lots of anesthesia.

i hate coasters

i hate them. i have always hated them. they suck.

but i still use them. just now i picked up my glass of ice water. it has been sweating, so there's a puddle on the coaster. incidentally, earlier today my coffee cup was on this coaster. the coffee cup is the reason for the coaster. our coffee pot leaks, there's no way to get around a ring on my desk from my coffee cup. so i use a coaster.

so my coaster has coffee on it. and now, since it's afternoon, it's wet from my sweating ice-water glass. enter brand new white dress shirt that i chose to wear today. coaster sticks to to glass, just long enough to hurl itself at the front of my shirt. my brand_new_white_dress_shirt. did i mention it's brand new? white?

i hate coasters.

the conker

yesterday i got to see the conker. i wish i could say, "yesterday i got to see the conker in action," but alas, it wasn't to be.

the conker is a very cool machine, a very cool HUGE machine (like 4 stories tall, i had to take TWO pictures to get the whole thing! note the tiny chair in the picture of the bottom part.). it can deliver up to 10 million pounds of force. MILLION. TEN million.

i read an article about it a year or so ago in popular science. almost immediately after that, we had the opportunity to submit a bid on a NIST contract. i was SO excited. no one else here had a clue about NIST. only me, the science nerd.

so the doc told me to stay off my foot and give harvey a chance to heel, but then i got an email about space surveys and i saw that the conker's building was on the list. harvey could have grown two heads and started singing show tunes and i would have not missed this opportunity.

here's a link that talks more about the conker... or, as it is technically known amongst people not in the inner conker circle, the Large Scale Structures Testing Facility.

http://www.nist.gov/el/facilities_instruments/large_scale_struct_testing_fac.cfm

just when you wanted to shoot someone

another someone makes it all better.

coming from celeryville, i grew up accustomed to people caring about their jobs, their integrity... each other. i did not expect to find that here in the big bad city. today, when i called CVS to find out where my wound dressing was (they had to order it), my expectations of the big bad city proved well-founded. their supplier didn't have the exact right thing so they didn't send anything. apparently they didn't call or make note of it, because surely if they had, the pharmacist at CVS would have done something... right? like call and order an effective substitution. then they would have called me to let me know. but no, no one called me or anyone else. apparently the thought of trying another supplier, or ordering another dressing never occurred to anyone. so now i have nothing.

so just when i was SO angry about this, Nancy, from my doctor's office called. this is my primary care doc, on friday she referred me to a specialist. so everything is in the specialists' hands now right? no. not the way my doctor works. while yes, she is leaving treatment up to the specialist, i am still her patient and she still wants to know how i am... and also, ask if i need anything.

so while sometimes the big bad cold city can be just as big and bad and cold as you expect, there ARE really awesome people to be found here.

monday monday

i failed miserably this morning with the directive to keep harvey dry. i feel like really simple things are just really hard for me. i am not sure why. i used 3 plastic bags to protect him during my shower, all i did was fill 3 plastic bags with water... oh, and almost killed myself. slippery suckers.

in good news, i did a decent job of staying off the foot this weekend, as directed. good for me anyway... which, is better than anyone can really expect. harvey hasn't been really painful, little twinges here and there. there was a fair amount of itching, which led me to unwrap him and scratch... not directly on him but around him. that was strictly forbidden but how many rules can one girl be expected to follow?

anyway, i am now waiting for a call from CVS because they didn't carry the wound dressing my doc wanted me to use and had to order it. meanwhile, i wadded up some toilet paper and spit on it until it was good and saturated... that should ward off any infections for a couple days.

omg... KIDDING. geeze. i'm not THAT bad.

so operating on yourself turns out NOT to be a good idea

who knew?

as i left the doctor's office today, an image popped into my head of this one de-motivational poster that is captioned: "it may just be that your one purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others."

it looks like there may be an infection. also, it seems that the 2-day curriculum with the apple cider vinegar isn't to be "tweaked" into a 3-week treatment.

doctor can't tell anything right now because, as he said, "you messed harvey up bad." but he cauterized it, did some other stuff, and now i have to stay off it for a week with the possibility of surgery to follow.

i really do feel like that poster... the image was of a shipwreck.

harvey

so this is harvey. harvey is a cluster of warts on my heel. i am trying to kill harvey.

i have gone to a doctor that injected chemotherapy drugs into harvey. he didn't die, he multiplied.

i have frozen harvey with liquid nitrogen. again, harvey didn't die.

now, apple cider vinegar. i believe harvey could be dying this time. he's putting up a good fight, the firey needles of pain he shoots up my leg tells me he is NOT amused. harvey is stubborn, but i'm more stubborn. he thinks if he causes enough pain i'll give up. oh harvey, you foolish foolish mortal.

i've been at this for almost 3 weeks now. a weaker wart would have been dead and gone after two days. but not harvey. i believe harvey is part chuck norris, and we all know chuck norris doesn't die.

he probably wouldn't be sportin' a sponge bob bandaid either, but hey, that's how harvey rolls.

i'm blogging again and i may be dying

i've been cut off from facebook. the place i used to go to post this absurd snippets. so i'm blogging.

and, i could be dying. i could also be a lottery winner, though unlikely since i don't buy tickets. perhaps a sweepstakes winner is more feasible.

here's the story. i notice a voicemail on my phone today. it's a woman, addressing me as mizzzz holthouse. i need to redo something and come by as soon as possible.

the most reasonable explanation is that my one security clearance that hit a small hiccup last week (i need to quit joking around about turning to a life of crime) has hit another snag. i am guessing that whatever form i filled out TWO weeks ago had some kind of expiration date that has since expired while waiting for the aforementioned snag to be sorted out. which it has. been sorted out i mean. the expiration date thing is pure speculation.

BUT, the caller left no name, no phone number, did not mention her organization... just my name, i need to redo the unintelligible thing, please stop by asap.

now i'm waiting to see what the most reasonable suspect has to say. meanwhile, what if it's not them? what if my doctor has called to tell me something tragic? what if the DMV has finally admitted that my new license picture is indeed too heinous to be printed on my ID? what if whomever took over for ed mcmahon has 20 million dollars waiting for me?

it's been like 3 minutes now since i called and still no word. this is a debacle.

sept. 11

that was a terrifying day. i'll never forget walking out onto our patio and seeing the smoke from the pentagon. i left work around 11, put an 8 hour tape in my vcr, tuned to cnn and went to bed. that's how i deal with stress. took me a couple years to watch that tape...

wednesday morning i walked outside and all i smelled was smoke. it was sickening. it made it real.

i didn't lose anyone i knew, but i knew people that did. my friend and colleague, helen ginsberg at epa lost her cousin, my friend deb lost a friend in new york, the company we shared office space with had their NYC headquarters right next to the twin towers, my parents had friends that lost a nephew... that kind of thing.

years later i worked on a project for a world trade center insurance company and re-created plans for the restaurant, windows on the world. it was a spooky and poignant experience for me.

more directly i have been impacted by a good friend and two of my nephews going to war. i couldn't watch the news, i couldn't watch war movies... i prayed a lot and held my breath. they all came home safely and it was a big relief... every day i'm grateful our family never got that awful news.

in the last week i've watched a lot of specials on 9-11. specials highlighting the tragedy of lives lost as well as the heroism of ordinary people. i watched specials on the monument being built, the people involved in it. it's amazing what we're capable of... what we can give and how we can care for and nurture and comfort each other. it sort of makes me wonder why we don't do it every day, but i remind myself not to think that way, to look at what people DO do, rather than what we don't.

so many lives lost in this war with terrorism... that day 10 years ago, and and still now and we continue to fight to secure freedom for everyone.

i don't like to get dramatic about things, and maybe this is why i'm writing in my blog rather than going to any anniversary event... but i think probably on this terrible anniversary, we've all stopped to remember, to say a prayer for the families, for our service men and women and for our country. i think maybe we should do that every day.

inception

last week, when i realized i would be incurring no more business expenses for the month, i did my expense sheet EARLY. this is unheard of. not in 43 years has this been done.

i had all but one receipt, which i knew was in my car. so i set it aside, i'll get that other receipt tomorrow, turn it in, get reimbursed... ON TIME (also unheard of).

and every day... and i do mean EVERY day, i forgot that receipt. until today. oh joy oh hallelujah. it's only sept. 6, i might still get reimbursed on time... or, at the very least, avoid the usual threats i get.

meanwhile, back at the ranch, the weekend has been worked, presentations have been done, i've hosted many a visitor in my guest chair... the chair people refuse to accept as a work surface and continually move things from. yeah, that chair.

all the receipts i had been so mindful of... gone.

and you think that's the end of it? oh no that's not the end of it. it also appears that i paid for everything with cash this month. something i N E V E R do. but i checked my credit card statements, and my debit card statement and nothing is there. NOTHING. it's like last month didn't even happen. like maybe it was all a dream and all i really did was sit here like an automaton cranking out presentation after presentation. never leaving this cube or this chair. it's possible i have not showered, or changed clothes, or even eaten.

well, i think i ate.

Bye Bye Osama!

i've been watching the coverage of this all evening and a few things are getting on my nerves. first, every reporter seems to be itching to get some survivor or victim's family member to break down. it's annoying and rotten.

also, we buried him at sea, supposedly according to muslim tradition. i'm okay with that even though i understand how the families feel knowing their loved ones were slaughtered and got no such care. first of all, we are not THEM. i read somewhere that what sets a people apart is how we treat our dead. i'm happy he's dead. he was evil, he did evil things, he promoted hatred and he would have done more evil things had he lived. not only that, but it was justice... HOWEVER, what harm does it do to not desecrate his remains? he's already dead and we are not THEM. AND, do we really need the kind of grief we'd get if we mistreated his body? i couldn't care less if they don't believe we did it right, i believe our military acted honorably. and it cost us nothing to do so. we already got him.

i'm also irritated about the attempts to politicize this. on either side. the man responsible for 9/11 was caught and punished. i'm certain it was a result of the efforts of both the bush AND the obama administrations... but how about we say it was due to the efforts of americans, our brave military and intelligence personnel who never gave up. can't we just say that and all be americans together for one stinkin' day?

another thing that bothered me, though i understand it because i felt the elation myself... but the celebrating in the streets reminded me an awful lot of seeing THEM celebrate in their streets... in baghdad and other cities, celebrating the slaughter of thousands of american innocents. by no means do i fault anyone for being happy about this, but those images were so similar and it didn't sit well with me. i really don't think anyone's death should be celebrated like that, even someone so evil. i get it though, just didn't like it personally.

i'm glad he's gone, i hope his successor cannot live up to the amount of evil he promoted, though i'm afraid they've been well schooled. i pray with all my heart we never have to mourn the loss of even one more person at the hands of terrorists, though i'm not optimistic.

alright. i think i'm done ranting.

Happy 2011!!

hello from the nation's capital. it is wicked cold here and it makes me nostalgic for this hot july day:


recapping 2010. i started the year in denver for the wedding of Nene and Andrew Williams. It was a very nice way to kick off the year. i acquired 2 new nieces this year... actually, that sounds like i bought them. i didn't. they were born, the normal way. they are both just beautiful, though i have not yet met Addy. other than that, 2010 was pretty uneventful... though expensive... between the wedding, a new washer & dryer, a new car and replacing my dead tv, i feel like all i did was spend money... in large hunks.

okay... uneventful? in retrospect, i guess not... i began the year by celebrating my birthday... small gatherings with different friends every night straight for over a week. my boss kept wanting me to work late and then finally asked, is it over yet? it was awesome.

the spring was uneventful except for a quick trip home in april to pick up my new car which looks exactly like my old car but with more buttons. in may i missed the indy 500 for the first time in 13 years to attend my cousin doug's wedding in california. it was weird to miss indy but great to see the family out there and finally meet my cousins' kids. judi and jana each have 4 and i had only ever met bryce and derrick (the two oldest) when they were little babies.

in july i went home for a week, as i always do. karen and matt and eric were here for a long weekend before that. we stayed at danger house (tim and angel's) because i was housesitting for the month of july, so it was nice that everyone had beds and rooms. karen knocked her shin on the porch furniture and grabbed a nail on the rail to balance herself, then the morning they left, they locked themselves out of the house. thankfully i have sustained no further injuries at danger house. we mostly just hung out, but we did get in some duck pin bowling and i got a round of applause one night for the superb parallel parking job i did in front of the ice cream shop in old town.

also in july my nephew rick came home from his year long deployment in afghanistan. we are beyond thankful to have him home safe and sound and beyond impressed that ashley managed 3 under 3 while he was gone. she is truly super mom.

i stole these from ashley's facebook. hopefully i will be forgiven. :-)

super mom traveling from seattle to ohio.

WELCOME HOME RICK!!

The happily reunited family!

Evey (1), Rick, Ben (2), Ashley, Addy (4 mos.)

in september the girls got together at kalahari for a spa weekend to celebrate my mom's birthday. it was pretty awesome. i want to live there. in the spa.

in november walcher's burnt to the ground. a freak fire on a windy day. everyone is thankful that no one was hurt... and also for insurance. the boys will be busy this winter rebuilding in time for the 2011 season.

thanksgiving was nice as val's whole family was there. i had not yet met chad and becky's new baby, miss alayna grace so that was super fun. i got to know beth (mike's wife) better and she is pretty awesome, and i got to meet chase who will join our family in march (no, we did not scare him off, even after alex almost kicked his butt in monopoly).

my week at home for christmas was not exactly what i planned. my mom and i were both laid low by the flu. i spent 6 straight days in pajamas (win!) but i missed celebrating christmas with my family (fail). i saw mike & krissy & alex & anna the day i flew in, and then not again. i saw steve & randi briefly before getting sick, then not again until the night before i left. matt was home the whole time and managed not to get sick. that was disappointing. wait, not matt not getting sick, i was disappointed that i didn't see everyone more. on the bright side, if you're going to be sick, it's awesome to have your mom taking care of you.

2011 will bring yet another niece (rob & kaje have a bun in the oven!) and a new nephew, though he has already been born. he (the afore mentioned chase) will bust into the family in march when he marries michelle. what can i say? my family is awesome, people are clamoring to join. i don't blame them.

alrighty... that about does it for the 2010 recap. here's hoping everyone has a blessed, healthy, and happy 2011!!!